A Close Encownter of the Bovine Kind @ Koh Lanta, Thailand

We had a few days to soak up the sun on Koh Lanta, so Helen being Helen planned a little date day. First, we rode our scooters to Mem’s Coffee Corner. It was arguably the best breakfast of the trip so far. Adam ordered a traditional English breakfast, but what made it special is that all the ingredients were farm fresh and expertly prepared. Helen’s latte even had a knowing smirk.

Next, we set off in the direction of a specific oceanside beach. However, we took a wrong turn and ended up on the other side of the island. Adam needed more sustenance in his tank for the return journey so we made an impromptu stop at a waterside restaurant. Helen ordered her daily mango smoothie and Adam, out of an abundance of caution, ordered a chocolate cake with ice cream—it’s important to prevent blood sugar drop while riding the scooter.

Refueled and ready we hopped on our scooters and back tracked 25 minutes to our missed turn. Eventually we made it to our destination. We parked the scooters and hiked down a few flights of stairs to the protected beach.

As the sun entered golden hour we decided it was time to start moseying backing to our hotel, but not before one more oceanside snack.

For dinner, Helen, knowing that we’d have a lot of Thai food ahead of us, took the opportunity to visit a wood fire pizza restaurant, Loro Loco. We were shocked at how good and authentic it tasted (both still traumatized from an unfortunate black sesame pizza we had in South Korea). It was easily the best pizza we’d had since leaving San Francisco. For post-dinner festivities we walked around our hotel and found a motorcycle bar with a friendly English bartender, Ryan. We ordered a beer and swapped travel stories. All in all, it was a good day.

The following morning Adam took the reins, eager to prove that he too can plan a flawless date day. We got breakfast and coffee at a cafe a few steps from our hotel. The food was not as good as Mem’s, but was still fine and had a spectacular fruit plate.

Then we got on a scooter and rode 2-up down the coast to the national park at the southern end of the island. The park contained a single hiking trail that looped around an old lighthouse and a beautiful beach.

Spending so much time in the sun built up quite the appetite, so we rode back up the coast to get our first hamburger in months.

We returned to the hotel to shower before Adam’s final surprise, sunset cocktails. Unfortunately, Adam had lost track of time a bit which meant we were in a hurry. Google maps was estimating a 40 minute walk, but it looked like we could take a shortcut via the beach.

We stepped out of our hotel and onto the beach at golden hour. As we walked, the beach front became less and less developed. Soon the oceanside resorts were replaced with empty lots overgrown with bushes and weeds, and the occasional decrepit hut. Suddenly a tan four legged object emerged from the brush. Helen asked “What’s that?”

“I dunno, a dog maybe?” Adam replied.

As the thing came closer we realized it was larger than any dog we’d ever seen. Then we heard a loud “Moooo!”

“Maybe it’s a baby cow?” said Helen.

“MOOOOOO!!!” the cow said again in defiance, as it ran at us. This was a full grown cow and it did not seem to like our presence. “MOOOOOOOOO!!!!!” It growled, hurtling down the beach in our direction. It slowed as it approached us. The cow was now only a short lunge away. We could see its nostrils flaring. It snorted angry guttural moos.

Helen, who had never heard of a cow attack, was annoyed by this rude interruption. After all, this is a public beach! She tried to sidle past it in the direction of the sunset.

Adam grabbed Helen’s hand, pulling her back. “That’s a wild animal! Back away slowly and maintain eye contact!” He hissed.

“Ok first of all, cows are domesticated, and I don’t think it will—”

“MOOOOOO!!!” interrupted the cow.

Now Helen felt the fear too. Slowly we backed away. Our heels were grazing the waters edge. Adam wondered if we could make a run for it into the ocean—surely no animal wants to get wet.

The cow glared at us. Then, satisfied that we were not a threat, it spun around and ran back into the brush.

We were safe.

We took a deep breath and shared some nervous laughter. Adam let out a big “Nope!” and marched off in the direction of the hotel.

Helen grabbed Adam’s hand and pulled him back. “But what about the sunset?”

“We just escaped a mad cow attack with our lives. I am not going back in that direction.”

“But if we miss the sunset, then the cow wins.”

Adam sighed. He realized that he may have just won a mental battle of wills against an escaped territorial cow, but there was nothing that was going to stop Helen from seeing the sunset. So he allowed himself to be pulled by the arm all the way to the sunset spot against his will. Fortunately, no cows were seen after that, but the incident made us even later.

After sunset we meandered our way back to the hotel, stopping at The Fat Pig, our local motorcycle bar along the way. We asked Ryan “have you ever heard of someone getting chased by a cow?” He laughed and told us he had never heard of such a thing. I guess we’re just special then.